The Sinner

Stupid things I did as a child

In elementary school, I and someone who wasn’t even really a good friend made a “dork list.”
I cannot say I was a very conscious being at the time. And I know that it was not done maliciously. We weren’t trying to hurt anyone’s feelings (in fact it wasn’t meant to even be shown to anyone.) It was just something that happened, for fun.

Also in elementary school, I had a period of using the phrase ‘suck my dick’. I 100% didn’t even know what it meant, but I knew it grossed out the girls. I don’t remember where I learned it. It was probably just part of the lingo that got passed around and picked up. I went to a private Christian elementary school, by the way.

In middle school, in the public schools for the first time in my life, I picked up juicier terms. I learned that in Korean, pepper was a homonym for penis, and I learned how to say ‘suck my dick’ again, this time in Korean.

Now I kind of did know what it meant, but I didn’t really get all the sexual implications of it. It was just funny, felt like a ‘skill’ almost in a way, and it got a reaction out of people. I still don’t think I was very conscious at the time. And by the way, I was always one of the more intelligent students. One of my nicknames in elementary school was “Einstein.”

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Some time in my adolescence, I discovered that most people don’t think before they speak. Being an introvert, often lost in my own thoughts, thinking before speaking kind of developed on its own for me.

If you look around the world, even presidents like Trump and Biden don’t think before they speak. To me, I don’t even begin to consider anyone intelligent until they have learned to think about what they say before saying it.

Most people are still deeply unconscious.

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A bonus story.

I once had a gay friend tell me not to use the word “dude” because it was “too straight”.