It’s time to move on. We have as testament a poem:
Into My Own
Robert Frost 1874-1963One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as ’twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.I should not be withheld but that some day
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.I do not see why I should e’er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.They would not find me changed from him they knew—
Only more sure of all I thought was true.
I’ve been playing games my entire life. From one game, I jump to another. This is my programming, my pattern. The Eastern idea of “samsara” is that of a wheel of existence. I think of the hamsters, obsessively running on their exercise wheels.
Can you imagine a hamster who had no need to run? Who could just be still, and be?
I don’t know if reincarnation is true. But the idea that life after life, you are repeating the same nonsense… if reincarnation is true, then I can easily see this repetition being the case. After all, in my one life I already see that I repeat the same pattern over and over.
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This was back in 2009. I played Warcraft 3 competitively. Bleached my own hair back then.
Drinking age in Europe is like 16. We Americans would get like black-out drunk.. lol
After SC2 was released, Blizzard stopped supporting the WC3 scene. I briefly dabbled in SC2 and Hearthstone, but decided both were terrible games. I did play one SC2 tournament at MLG Anaheim.
After that, kind of lost in my 20s, I switched to Dota. I then played dota for like a decade, long after my original friends stopped playing, and longer than the entire time I was playing WC3, which blows my mind. Because WC3 was a true love, rewarding beyond expectation, and Dota was like a cope, literally.
In between, I’ve dabbled with poker, chess, go, etc. Do you see the machine-like mind? #1 It keeps looking for the same pattern. #2 It is obsessed with optimization.
My friends, I share this to invite you to look at your own patterns. What are you doing out of habit, out of programming?
Can you recapture the original innocence, the true enjoyment of things?
Jesus said, unless ye become as children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of God.
I will admit I have not achieved it. Is it possible for adults to enjoy things in themselves, without motives? Is unconscious, innocent youth, a requisite? And would it be a regression? Like going back to Kindergarten, after having graduated to middle school.
However, I can say with certainty that becoming more conscious of your programming is progression. It is liberating freedom. It is emptying in a way that does not replace the emptiness with new bondage.
I’m reminded of a story of lifelong prisoners, who having been freed of their chains, are uncomfortable without them. It is sometimes also like that.
Anyway, this is where I’m at. It is like being in a dark tunnel, and there has been a moment’s flicker of light, showing you that the path exists and is real. One may still be blind, but having seen a glimpse, it becomes impossible to go back.
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Shall we close with another Frost poem:
Wind and Window Flower
Lovers, forget your love,
And list to the love of these,
She a window flower,
And he a winter breeze.When the frosty window veil
Was melted down at noon,
And the cagèd yellow bird
Hung over her in tune,He marked her through the pane,
He could not help but mark,
And only passed her by,
To come again at dark.He was a winter wind,
Concerned with ice and snow,
Dead weeds and unmated birds,
And little of love could know.But he sighed upon the sill,
He gave the sash a shake,
As witness all within
Who lay that night awake.Perchance he half prevailed
To win her for the flight
From the firelit looking-glass
And warm stove-window light.But the flower leaned aside
And thought of naught to say,
And morning found the breeze
A hundred miles away.
There is a love of the whole universe; the whole existence; the whole cosmos.
“My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.”
― Nikola Tesla
Timber Hearth, my love for you is true. But remember the lesson of TheMantis. You see only a part of me, (and, of course, I see only a part of you).
A Hollywood director once sent out word that he was looking for an actor to play the role of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. The actor was to be over six feet tall, young and vigorous and have an excellent command of the language.
On the day of the casting call, many fine tall young men showed up, but among them was a little old Jewish man with a heavy Yiddish accent. The director picked him out immediately and asked, “What do you want?”
The man answered, “I vant to be an hector. I vant to play Hemlet!”
“Are you kidding or just crazy?” the director asked. “You are only five feet tall and you have an accent so thick I could cut it with a knife. What can you possibly do?”
The little man said, “I vant to hect, Giff me a chance.”
Finally the director gave in. “Get up on stage and try it.”
The little man stepped out onto the stage. Somehow he looked much taller and full of energy. He began to speak with a booming voice and the perfect king’s English: “To be or not to be…”
When he was finished, there was a hush. Everyone was amazed. The director said, “That’s unbelievable.”
The other actors said, “That’s wonderful.”
The little Jew just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Dat’s hecting!”
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“Remain true to yourself, but move ever upward toward greater consciousness and greater love! At the summit you will find yourselves united with all those who, from every direction, have made the same ascent. For everything that rises must converge.”
Recommended reading: Flatland
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